Review: The Machine


Title: The Machine
MPA Rating: R
Director: Peter Atencio
Starring: Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Iva Babic
Runtime: 1 hr 53 mins

What It Is: Comedian Bert Kreischer (Kreischer) has made a career telling a story about how he once hung out with the Russian mob and gained the nickname “The Machine”. But what was true and what wasn’t? Well old Bert is about to reap what young Bert started. Irina’s (Babic) family has been done wrong by “The Machine” all those years ago and now she’s giving him no choice but to help her rectify his mistake.

What We Think: 2023 seems to be the year of comedies that are utterly pointless. This is a lame and dumb attempt by both Kreischer and all involved to make some dough off of an almost decade old viral video. Most of the sight gags miss and the overall production is run of the mill. Structurally its by the numbers in it’s narrative. Bert gets told he’s going to do something for fear of harm to his family…on goes basic plot. I’m still really wondering why people find Bert Kreischer funny. There was a trend in the 1990’s of stretching Saturday Night Live skits into full productions. Sometimes (Wayne’s World) it worked but it mostly didn’t (It’s Pat). This is sort of how this film feels.

Our Grade: D, A super dumb misstep of a film. There are several other comedies that have come out this year that are worth your time more than this utterly horrendous piece. I’m hopeful that the terrible delivery of this film ends the viral story of Bert and the Russian mob for good. I don’t recommend this and a lot of that has to do with quality but some of it is I don’t know who this film is for. Like what audience put their hard earned money into something like this? Not a total failure but certainly not something worth seeking out.

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